Saturday, April 2, 2016

Do you give a damn about this years Final 4? I don't.

Every year around this time I'm usually perusing(yeah, i went to private school) online shopping sites, or strolling thru a mall. Im a big fan of Hugo Boss, Vince, and Bloomingdales, just in case y'all feel like doing something special for your boy, but that's neither here nor there(12shoe, 33x32 pant, 42L suit). I do this perusing in anticipation of winning money from my NCAA March Madness bracket pool. Full disclosure, I've been an avid fan of college basketball since Kenny Anderson dug a grave for Bobby Hurley in 1990, oh you don't remember: https://youtu.be/Nr-2SofYkcU (I thought he was gonna be The Truth. Thanks for everything Tammy from the Real World. Smh). In high school i even started and ran my own yearly pool, $20 entry fee, i took $5 off the top of all entries...paper was expensive in the 90's. And in the 26 years that I've been filling out a bracket, I've won a pool a grand total of 1 time! This was gonna be my year tho!!!! Not because id watched an extensive amount of College Basketball, but because i was sure no one had watched barely any at all, so the playing field would be even, if not slightly slanted in my favor, because I'm smarter than most people. So, in effect one might say that i was 'Wish Shopping' online or at that mall. After the 1st round of games, my wish had been choked out like Connor McGregor and Holly Holm. Thanks Michigan State. But i think we need to delve into why I, and most of America didn't watch much college ball this year...cause its BORING!!!!!! Tune into any college game and this is pretty much their offensive strategy : Get ball over half court line, pass to a dude that won't be in the NBA, dude that won't be in the NBA passes to another dude that won't be in the NBA, that dude that won't be in the NBA passes to a freshman that will be in the NBA next year but won't be a star, he passes to a dude that will play in Turkey next year (as the eternal :35sec shot clock wades to :10secs) , and the guy the that will play in Turkey next year takes a 3pt shot that he misses, and the ball is rebounded by the others teams guy that won't play in the NBA next year, and we start all over again. Shoot me please...not now, but RIGHT NOW!!! There's a couple things that need to happen here to help the college game. 1st: Stop making these kids who don't want to be in college go to college!!! What good is it doing? They're only there for half a cup of coffee, they're not gaining any chemistry with the dudes that will be there for the next few years, and vice versa. And don't tell me about they're getting an education. An education in what, how to do just enough to be eligible to play ball for a semester so i can go get my money in the summer? Imagine being a professor on a campus with a 1andDone baller, his first day in class id say "Hello, and It was nice to meet you"cause he won't be back. Would You? He learned how to count money a long time ago, class dismissed. And you're making the college coaches lose dignity at an alarming rate. Coaches out here begging these dudes to "please come to my team for a year, and not listen to me, or truly care what i gotta say, please!" 2nd : Shorten the damn shot clock! Speed up the game. Get rid of these teams like Virginia out here doing their best Hoosiers impersonation. These kids are part of the Vine/Snapchat generation, they can deal with things being sped up. 3rd : Get rid of the damn Zone defenses. A great man by the name of Bomani Jones has a true saying:" Zone is for Cowards." Guard somebody straight up, if he beats you, tip your hat and try harder next time. 'We just gonna all guard our lil area and when ur man comes to our area we gonna help you', they out here basically jumping people. And that's super cowardly.
You know things are bad when Oregon is a #1 seed and only the people in Oregon have seen them play! Lets go through the final four teams and see what we know about them:

UNC- The 5th Year All Stars, every dude on that team was recruited by Dean Smith! Bryce Johnson is nice, but you're supposed to be nice when you're older than everyone else!

Villanova- Quick, ill give anyone not from Philly,  100 Pesos if you can name one starter on that team...See! I know their coach tho, he uses Dove Mens Soap-It Cleans and Protects agains dryness...he wears nice suits too.

Syracuse- They got a bunch of old dudes and one new dude who has that "i just woke up and don't care" hair do the kids are rocking these days and he won't be there next year, cause he's Real Good. And their coach was suspended for violations, but the committee didn't take into consideration the games they lost while he wasn't there. Nice punishment.

Oklahoma- Buddy Hield. Buddy Hield is from the Bahamas. Buddy Hield's initials are B.H.

Thanks again Michigan State.

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